return to being Zi Cheng
There are so many things around me that warrant changes in me. It is scary, frightening, and very much uncomfortable. Friends around me are shocked with my new habits, new behaviours. Frankly speaking, I don’t like it myself too. It took me aback when I saw the face of one of my friends when he got to know about one of the new habits I acquired recently. I hate that habit. It is not me, again.
This period shall be the most remembered as the worst period of my life. Period of uncertainties, choices, and bad decisions. A time when I am not myself, a time when I put my heart too easily into people and things.
Why should I carry on setting goals because of someone whom I can’t be beside with? Whom doesn’t even know I am there for her, and worse still, doesn’t even know she is all i ever needed? I should be back to myself, and let things be what it should be. She has got her life and I got mine, they never intersected and never will. I dunno if I can give her what she wants, though I am willing to give her all that I have. I don’t have the courage to let her know, I don’t want to lose a great friend. It is not time, and it seems that it is never the time. Unless God has another plan. You have sent people to be around her to take care of her, and I know I am not needed. Please continue to take care of her.
We shall see how it goes. Back to my original plan. None of my loved ones shall suffer.
