Thoughts - Deep, Down, Inside…

Continuing….

I am sorry that the irritating email notifying that ‘Zi Cheng has updated his blog’ had once again appeared in your mailbox. But maybe you will not even recieve my apologies as you might already have deleted the mail, with your mind thinking ‘aiyah, another Zi Cheng’s chim blog’

You might think it is chim because it is not the kind of blog most people have, which records personal history. I do not know what is the purpose to post such blogs. Maybe as a diary? But why would anyone want to read somebody else’s diary? o.O

My purpose for posting my blog in this way, is to put down my thoughts and worries, because I need people to read. I need people to read because I need advice. It is not a blog which I post for the sake of posting or to occupy time.

And also, I like it this way. It is also a channel to organise my thoughts for reflection.

It is not even chim. Perhaps some of you are thinking I am naive and immature instead, Perhaps some of you whom think that blogging is a waste of time might be thinking ‘Zi Cheng is so pathetic that he have to pour his worries on a blog’. Perhaps some of you might think that you have better things to do at such a time of the night, like restoring energy for the following day to go all out again to earn your big bucks, and think that bloggers are naive. Perhaps you might think that Zi Cheng should get a life.

Perhaps.

Right. There are so many perhaps now. So many options to choose from. So many thoughts going through my mind. Like Mid-Life Crisis, I term this situation as Post-Teen Crisis, and I would say this symptom is unique only in Singapore.

Singaporean children (I mean children who are born, studied and grew up here and do not face with financial, domestic, health and academic problems. There are many) are living in a sheltered environment. See it for yourself. Have you ever worried about what primary school you have to enter when you were six? Did you ever need to worry about where to go after you graduate from primary school, secondary school, or for some even JC? Did you ever worry about what modules of education you can choose from when the only education syllabus in Singapore is the Cambridge’s? If yes, the destination of choice still often lies within the Singapore context, where all the planning are already done by the government. It seems to me that many a times, the future for Singaporean children had been planned for. Thanks PM Lee for accusing local graduates for lacking entrepreneurship to allow me realise this.

It is only up till now that I REALLY start to worry about the future. All the while when people ask me “what you wanna be in the future”, I have always been giving random replies, in attempt to save my own face, as I did not have any serious aspirations in mind to work towards to. I believe most of the time when people ask their peers “what you wanna be in the future”, its most of the time for comparison, for self-confidence boosting, or looking for prospective business target. At least these are always the reason why I ask, I don’t know if is true for you.

Bet you didn’t know that. That is why I changed my blog title to the current one. These are deep down thoughts. Deep down thoughts that I want you to know. Deep down thoughts that I want you to know hoping to recieve your comments and advice.

It came down to me that I really dunno what I wanna be. But like other people, I only have the end results that I want in mind. I want to earn lotsa money, to travel round the globe, to have my own car, to live in a bungalow with a grand piano and a huge backyard, etc.

However, I have not seriously thought about the answer to the most important question in life: What do I wanna do to achieve all these, while in the process enjoy and love what I are doing?

Of course there are many ways on how I can achieve all my dreams. But the tricky part lies in “in the process enjoy and love what I am doing”. Many a times people worked all their life hating their job, and some in the end did not even fulfill their dreams set when they were young.

I still cannot answer to “what I wanna be in the future”. I have several choices to choose from. I even came up with a table to weigh the possibilities between some careers I would love to take on with the careers that can make my dreams come true faster. It was not very useful though. I ended up undecided still. However in the process I realised there isn’t a career which can I love and at the same time allow me to achieve my dreams fast. Many a times we can’t have the cake and eat it, face it.

Unless someday I will start to love a career in which I can earn big bucks fast. And I think that is very much based on affinity with the career, which cannot very much be controlled. It makes me wonder even more how it can be done, which in turn frustrate me more.

This has been what’s on my mind recently, ever since being reminded that I am going to be kicked out of the comfort zone, to graduate from the grow-up plan laid by the Singapore Government for SIngapore children. In other words, I am going to ORD from the 2 years of National Service. I omitted the adjective for “National Service” in attempt to protect myself from further trouble. I mean “further trouble” as in literally. Those who know what I mean, you know. Feel free to ask if you don’t, and I will explain to you the meaning behind the adjective I would use with all that I can so that you will understand the reason behind for using the adjective.

After much thinking, I realised that I have been too undecided with the choices on my hand. I have been thinking too much of ‘what if’s. I have been exploring too much on what I should not and will not want to do.

I came up with a principle - Do what you think you should be doing, enjoy it, don’t regret.

And I should also start exploring what I can do and will want to do.

I realised that one should never never run away from reality. Or we will find ourselves wasting time worrying. Alson once told me, there is no such thing as no choice, as there is always a choice. It only depends whether one can bear the consequences for making the choice.

I think I am writing this in a way like an email. If there was a ‘high importance’ sign which can be tagged on this entry (those who uses microsoft outlook express, and of course, those with an ‘ISAC card’, will know), I would have used it. Using that function means the message/ mail requires acknowledgement/ reply. In this case I ask for your comment and advice.

If you coincidentally are in the same dire straits as I am, please share with me how you are managing and dealing with me. I really like to know what are the choices which you have.

However, if you are still in the comfort zone, try to get yourself out of it. If you do not even realise that you are in the comfort zone, read -> If you realised you have not experienced hardship (not from some school camps that you have gone through) and yet thinking that you are suceeding in life, you ARE in the comfort zone, still stuck in Singapore’s very own ‘grow-up plan’ and competing with fishes in a fish tank. Yes you are succeeding…….in following successfully with the ‘grow-up plan’. For guys, if you still have not even gone through NS, most likely you are still lying comfortably in the zone, as the future might still seem far to you. Just like how I thought before I enlisted. You will not feel so comfortable once the reality of ORD has downed upon you, when you will realise it is tomorrow when you will need to go out and work to feed yourself, or to further your studies in a university where you will need to get a degree to secure a good job (we shall not discuss what is a ‘good’ job. I know people in business or marketing will definitely argue). You will start to feel the need to survive to become more and more immediate, and start to fear that your dreams will not be fulfilled.

They say “everyday is a learning day”, and I think I am starting to understand the meaning further each day.

I learn something at every reflection. What about you? Care to share?

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 4th, 2007 at 10:50 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.