Thoughts - Deep, Down, Inside…

I have reached the point of desperation. Emotional and psychological desperation.

The Life is now only filled with temporal satisfaction of physical and superficial needs, while the base has been slowly eroding. This is what people refer to as the bottom of the heart, the inner heart, the inner world etc. They say truth is found at this ‘inner world’, where what you truly believe in exist. It is where your morals and principles are found. Never mind how it was constructed, that is not the point.

I think I have lost that now.

I have not been thinking, feeling, and acting based on my ‘inner world’. Morals have lost its judgement for my actions, principles have lost its control for my thinking, and values have lost its say over my feelings. I am not what I am now. Pressure is forcing me to act not like me. I have done things morally wrong, really wrong….I don’t like it.

I just wanna to be a good man, a good son, a good friend, and a good potential boyfriend/ husband.

All this uniformed bullshit politics better stop before I go crazy.

Please release me and allow me to get back to my friends, to my family, and to myself. Please allow mw to get back to my world to find back my own thinking, morals, ethics and principles…myself.

Please allow to me join back the human world to find my dream girl, like all the others who have already found theirs.

I can never believe such an organisation can ever exist in this world,,,Would God had created this? You would say yes, he had created this to make people tougher. Then why would anybody sign the contract to stay in it? These people have been made crazy? Cumon there must be other ways to make people tougher. Not by punishing scapegoats, play the ’shoot arrow’ game, or enforcing disclipine by punishment. Where is the Love? So unlike the Divine’s usual doing…

Ok, if this was really a way to make me tougher, please stop. I had enough.

Please allow time for a psychological timeout, an emotinal kit-kat. Unless you want guilt to overrun me.

I Need To Find Back Myself, My Old Self.