Thoughts - Deep, Down, Inside…

Slowly, slowly, the feeling just creeps away.

It is getting more and more difficult to describe my feelings. I don’t even know what is it now. Workload does not matter anymore, it piles up anyway. I am expected to multitask, to hold many posts, to be superman. But no I am not superman.

But I am not complaining, I don’t feel tired, I don’t feel stressed. Perhaps it because nobody realises what I have been doing…It is just a numb feeling. I don’t feel anything at all when I see people arriving late and leaving early for work-these people have been deliberately complaining that they had nothing to do, and they don’t realised how much more freedom they have in return to organise their thoughts, to cultivate their mind, and to stop their footsteps to reflect on their daily actions.

Workload just piles up, and I just ended up staring into space, wondering what should be done first.

I don’t have time to think for what I am doing. Worse, I can’t feel for what I am doing. I don’t want to do things this way.

The meaning of living is to do the things that you feel for. It is a tragedy to work a man like a machine.

Losing the spirit to fight for fairness, losing the will to complain. Soon I will lose the meaning of life.

The indifference feeling while working had made me feel unexcited about weekends as well. It feels worse to realise that there is nothing at all do when there is no work. Now it is not about wanting to do something for the weekend, but it is about not wanting to do nothing and staying at home for the weekends. It is sad.

To me, working overtime is the one thing that is harms one’s mental and psychological well being the most. The damage is evident in me.

Soon you will find that you are lacking of time for yourself, and lose your thoughts subsequently. Very soon you will also lose yourself.

This should be classifed as a recognised mental disease.

Reminiscing with old friends brings back old memories. Recently old friends have came back into my life. Its a nice feeling. Many will tend to say it is because of the good times they had with these friends before. I just realised this is also a reminder that I am in the bad times NOW, bad enough to make me miss the good times that I had in the past.

As you can see, there are always two sides of life. Stay on the bright side to live longer. Well, there is also another way, act blur.

It has been a long time since I have got this feeling. Different people have different experiences. Go experience it yourself. Go feel for it, not for its worth, not for its effect, but for its feelings, then maybe you will understand how I feel. I would not describe it as nice, its a sudden realisation, an enlightenment. Perhaps Science is not really my cuppa tea.

The trigger is meagre, but the impact is extraordinary.

‘I love you, do you love me?’ Mundane. But being able to bring out the true meaning of this simple question is revolutionary. Though its more towards fiction, it illustrated his sense of the meaning of Timeless Love, with the effects of the old 18th century artistic nature. Brilliant. Its baseless, independent of History, place and time. It only expresses the feelings in the heart.

He is beyond an idol, he is a genius. Too bad his works are often regarded as common entertainment. Damn those profit-centric produce, they are crap. If only he lived in the times of Chopin and Beethoven.

It Is Secret.

You may not feel as I do towards it. But if you do, do tell me how you feel towards it, and I then will know, I have a pal.

No its not about the movie. I have not watched it yet.
But I have realised as we grow older, with more things in hands to handle, I am starting to become more and more….alone.
It is like a competition everywhere. Even among friends. I can’t say how. Maybe the definition of friends changes when we get older. Well I am no longer a teenager.
No one understands each other anymore, even among the family.
It is true, everybody is but for himself. I shall not get angry with that anymore.
I have to face it alone. No one is going to help when in need. At this age, help seems like a tool to win acceptance.
I have to face it. I only have myself. People are only going to sympathise if I fail or die. Or well, what can they do right? Everyone is but for himself. Love is scarce.
Yes to me now opposite of love is not hate, but selfishness. And selfishness is not something bad. It is normal. A nature.
Come what may.