Thoughts - Deep, Down, Inside…

Being in the last of my teenage years certiainly makes me feel lost. Or maybe it is because I live in a sheltered enironment that makes me feel so. Looking at other people and many of my peers, they look as though they are all getting on fine with their lives and knows exactly what they want to do in their lives. They seems to be very much in control of their own lives.
Its my last teenage year, I am 19, but yet it also confirmed that time past real quickly. It seems as though it was only last week when I first stepped into the gates of Fuhua Secondary School, with Mr Chua asking me to join NCC. It seems like it was ytd when I quarrelled with Justin over minor issues in the school. And it seems like only just now that I just came back from extra Chemistry Tutorials scheduled by Ms Yamuna.
It will then be tomorrow when i turn 30, just like the NSman BSO i just umpired for evaluation this week…
What would I be like then? Would I have earned lotsa money? Would I have gotten married? Would I be happy then? Or would I not be able to get to that age?….
Whatever it is, I only know that it is only what I want to do now that decides for me what I will become in the future. Now is the important stage people. And yet it is just because it matters now that makes me feel stressed and lost. And to some who do not feel the same as me, you may think that I am a weakling. But I am like that, I am Zi Cheng, so what? Not happy? If you have a plan so be it, good for you. In the meanwhile let me think of what I really want.
Thanks to NS, where people always suffer alone in silence, what I really need now is a confidant, whom I can share my worries with, whom I can be with to share my happiness, whom I can love…
Yes, you might be thinking, “what the f***, damn bloody desperate la zi cheng, disgusting!” But as I said, I am like that, I am Zi Cheng, so what? Not happy?
Until you are in my shoes, then don’t give me that kinda of eyes and phrases like that. And don’t tell me NS is easy, its short, only 2 years, and so many people have gone through it, if you are not in NS yourself. Even you are in it, you do get the same shit as i do, and I do not get the same shit as you do too.
As I said, I am like that, I am Zi Cheng, so what? Not happy?

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 26th, 2007 at 12:01 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.